Gringo and the Emperor by Taxigringo

Gringo had been imprisioned in the emperor's dungeon for two hundred years. The early years where the most difficult as Gringo tried to adapt to the absence of customary human comforts. Chinese tortures were different than what he was subjected to by the Russians who would take him to the point of death and then revive his health to be tortured again. Two hundred years of torture were a long time, and with two more hundred years to go before he was to be killed and sent to Hell, Gringo made the best of his situation. He realized that anxiety was useless. Even the worst of human conditions was better than this eternal abyss called Hell, and Gringo bided his time with creative writings. The writings had come to the attention of the emperor who found them amusing. He sent a message to Gringo that he could have one wish. Gringo let it be known that he would like to have Diana Krall play the piano and sing to him every night.The emporer was not amused because he had secretely nurtured the same wish for himself. None the less he let Der Gringo have a two and a half octave set of orchestral bells. Day and night Der Gringo banged on the aluminum keys until the day came when the guards removed their ear plugs. More and more they looked forward to hearing the rhythms and melodies that touched their heart. Roaches, mice, rats and all sorts of vermin also would make their way to Gringo's cell for they too found the ineffable music to their liking. Learned men of the land became curious about how a man in such deplorable misery and isolation could produce such beautiful music. They could not agree upon an answer. When Gringo was told to give a command performance for the emperor he did so and so much to the emperor's delight he was given his freedom with a stipend to live on.Gringo was awed by the beauties of nature which he had taken for granted before his imprisonment. He taught himself to cook as now he could eat as well as his imagination and skill would allow, and great were his imagination and skill. Again this came to the attention of the emperor who invited him to fix a meal for him. Gringo did so, and the emperor was pleased. When the emperor asked him for the secret of his resiliance and resourcefulness Gringo answered, "Life is a gift and meant to be lived with appreciation. Our worst days are merely a sense of having a little less of the gift, but in reality it just whets our appitite for what is yet to come."The emperor said, "Aren't you afraid of having to go to Hell when you die?"Gringo looked at him and smiled, "It is not Hell that I fear but rather the one who can send me there, and where He is Hell is not."

A WALK IN THE RAIN

A WALK IN THE RAIN by Taxigringo Feb 24, 2007
It was a very dark night. Rain was falling hard. The wind blew hard. Power went out, and so did the lights of the city. Meanwhile, John was walking to the convienience store to get batteries. At times he had to lean forward to keep from getting blown over by the wind. He squinted to avoid the stinging drops of rain.Ironically, he enjoyed the walk. It became a fantasy stroll back to the time when he was young and dreamed of adventure. Thinking about those innocent years John wandered off the sidewalk, fell into the gutter and was carried towards a dry wash that was now a turbulent stream. He let out a little chuckle. All the way he imagined it was a water park slide. He felt no sense of danger as the rushing water carried him toward the creek that had become a raging river. He exerted himself just enough to keep his head above water. All the while he continued to pretend that he was in the mighty Congo River speeding him to see his beloved Jane. Crocodiles imposed no fear on the Lord of the Jungle. More than once he had disposed of the overgrown reptiles with a knife that hung from his leopard skin loin cloth. Such were the fantasies of this aging, overweight dreamer as he floated twenty miles per hour toward a large grate. He was certain to drown. The laws of reality promised that there would be no escape.At last the situation dawned on him, and with it came embarrassement for indulging in so much silliness. "What am I doing?" He cried out loud. "For love of Pete, I'm not Tarzan. I've got a family to think about."Was this the end? Would his mundane life end in foolishness. His mind raced as he thought of all the people who loved him; they deserved a better return on their investment. The man realized that his predicament would require a miracle. Too embarrassed to call upon God directly he made a plea to Saints Peter and Paul, "Please get me out of this mess, and I'll try to do better."Immediately and just in time his prayer was answered. Like an artillery shell a great thunderbolt hit a telephone pole knocking it into the water. With power lines still attached it fell right in front of John. Not wasting the opportunity he grabbed hold and worked himself back to the bank. "Thanks," he said reverently. On the way home he offered five joyful mysteries of the Rosary before walking through the front door of his house. "Did you get the batteries?" His wife asked."Honey, I forgot. Let's just wait until it's less wet outside."