Good Stuff by Taxigringo 12/28/06

John and Dave seemed to be friends by default. Who else would be friends with them? If there was a one-ups-manship club they would have to take turns being the president.They kept things near the edge and it was a phenomena that they didn't go over it more often. The first long drop off the precipice began when they worked as team drivers for a large trucking company. Both were alcoholics, but being German, they dismissed such labels. Germans by virtue of their genes could drink without being work impaired. After all, they never drank more than a six-pack while they drove. That is to say, a six-pack each. The department of transportation, lovingly known by truckers as DOT, did not share their point of view. In fact, on a routine trip through a weigh station DOT closed the book on their trucking career.Most people would go completely into the bottle with such an unhappy turn of events. Not so with John and Dave. In fact, they actually welcomed the challenge of finding a new livelihood with such a depreciating mark on their police record. In exchange for implied future favors a local Democrat politico made possible their new employment. Working as swing shift janitors at the NASA facility in Houston suited them well. If you suspect that they continued their libations on the job, then you suspect correctly.So as not to belabor the point of the story, John and Dave took turns bringing a bottle to work which they shared after the three hours it took to complete their work. The ritual was the same. Lunch, drain the bottle, and play chess until their eight hour shift ended at midnight. On a Monday night they would once again go too close to the edge. "Ach du lieber Mensch, John. These beans are superb." Dave exclaimed.""I wish that I could take credit. That Mexican woman brought them over this morning." John said. "I think she is looking for a husband.""You need to marry her." Dave snickered.They finished eating in silence and then John asked, "What did you bring tonight?"Dave looked in disbelief and exploded, "What did I bring!? You dumbkopf! What did you bring? It's your turn to bring a bottle!"John stood up. "I brought the bottle last....Oh Scheiss! It is going to be a long night."Dave's head seemed to roll on his shoulders and then he looked upward. "I think I can salvage your incompetence." He walked over to a barrel that was obviously rocket fuel. Are you aware that this stuff is alcohol?" John hesitated. "I don't know. I'm thirsty, but I ..." "Think of it as triple strength vodka." Dave was already finding a way to pour it into the empty coffee thermos. It didn't seem bad. And as for drinking government property, they both figured: "Don't muzzle the ox that treads the grain." The bible can't be wrong. Yes, there were consequences. By three A.M. Dave woke in his bed to the ringing of the phone. Groggily he answered. It was John. Dave screamed out. "Was ist los mit Du? Do you know what time it is?" "I just want to ask you if anything strange happened to you?"Dave answered, "Only that I have a headache, but it will go away as soon as I hang up!" Then he softened. "What about you? Anything strange?"John sounded frightened. "Well, yes. About fifteen minutes ago I was in my bed and farted. And now, I'm in Cleveland."